Paint Brush!

the smell of paint

caught me by my nasal buds
and watched - all eyes -
itself
sliding down my RBCs
in the wires of my veins.

And I walked, clean and fresh,
past the new, white door
painted to opacity
yet reflecting mirrors of my insides
that just had a white wash! :)

Sacrifice!

gloomy rise gloomy fall
gloomy day standing tall
seeking eyes watching noise
summer scents with all its poise

when your solemn withering heart
dies each time its asked to part
killing normalcy shredding pride
slicing your insides cutting it wide

and despite that you reach one edifice
to let it be, ease the other's size
and when you smile, accept slow demise,
what do they call it? sacrifice?

Fine tuning!

"Doesnt work," she sighed, hassled. "The damn thing doesnt start!" Zara zara phoolon pe jhadne laga dil mera, it had last said, before going blank!

It was impossible that he drove and she didnt sing with the music player. She knew each song folder that had been loaded onto that thumb drive and she would make her choice basis the moods in the car. And there were the modified tunes. Tunes, that could be sung differently to sound differently. Tunes, that could sound different to suit thoughts that were different. Sounds of laughter, frustration, pain, fury...sometimes sounds of silence...smiling silence, blushing silence, angry silence, restless silence, teary silence.  But, there had to be some sound. So this, was an impossible situation. Well! Almost!

"Should I nudge the connecting wire," she asked. "It wouldnt just stop, without reason." If only she knew that reason. Ayyo, ayyo, ayyo. Sudden feeling of helplessness. Why couldnt the damn thing be set right. And why wasnt he answering. She looked at him with gloomy eyes.

He smiled before shifting gears, not looking at her.

"Main pareshan pareshan pareshan pareshan, aatishen wo kahaan, main pareshan pareshan pareshan pareshan ranjishen hai dhuaan....haaaaaaaaaan haaan haan..."...he began.

He knew every tune of the song. And all its lyrics too. She had played it way too many times! :)

Three Sixty Degrees!

She woke up with a sudden jolt.

The night had set in a few hours ago and she had very quickly fallen asleep. Her eyes had been steadily drowsy and she had decided not to fight them. There are better battles around, more engaging ones. Besides, a long day had its benefits. At least, it kept away insomnia. It kept away nightmares. It sealed the line between dawn and dusk effortlessly.

But that night, she woke up with a sudden jolt.

Something around her was not right. Was it the window? Maybe it should be left open...slightly. Fresh air could be a welcome guest. She looked around. The brown paper bag on her table was torn and its contents were partially visible. A blue shawl, peeped out, carefully concealing a white piece of paper. Bright white, almost distorting peaceful sleep. It struck her eyelids, forced them to open!

And she woke up with a sudden jolt, startled.

He had asked her to leave it with him...so that he could feel her all the time...with him...when in fact she couldnt be...and she had heeded! Now, suddenly she had it back with her. Returned. How? Mistake? Moving On? Priorities? New stories?

From her answer-less sleep, she had woken up, staring at her blue-shawl-self, suddenly, with a jolt!

Peace...

is a slow moving ant on the little cement block outside the house;
and its not silence, you see,
it can exist in the depth of screaming sounds,
of several moving ants,
strutting about with different agendas.
But this one,
steps one leg after one leg,
its chirpy-ness,
thinning down spurts of outbursts
into lines of normal air;

amid much miscellany,
peace is jus being,
an ant's single, favourite tune!

Mind-Lenses!

I sit in the moving cage, amid several other cages,
on the road
and watch each sound as I would, words from a dear one's mouth;
this is motion
this is commotion
delusion...seclusion of some isolated notion...life erosion?

then,
he buys some bubbles,
he watches the stars,
he stops and gazes at the signal's pure red and holds that reflection in his eye
till it turns green,
each colour on the road's grey - white,yellow, green, blue, red, black -
is a 'still-sign' - hope, grief, joy, indifference, rage, injury -

then,
I am motion
I am commotion
subsumed by wired caution
or just a magic potion called illusion!

The Story!

It grows like fire on kerosene,
-----------------------------------------------the straight line of tally bars
collecting identically, one against another,
knocking off
----------------fives
----------------------in
-------------------------diagonal
-----------------------------------clashes

------------------------------------------------------------where
-----------------------------------------------'number' is a cluster of lines,
------------------------------------------------tying together, in bundles,
---------------------------------------------life's trivialities and imperatives,
-----------------------------------------in somewhat manageable cohesiveness!


PS
200th post this one (:)).
This space has been a life sustainer, quietly absorbing smaller stories of me and fusing them into something like a unified whole. Sentimental as it might sound, its been a lot about self discovery through a plethora of emotions - Obscurity Perplexity Absurdity Formidability Tenacity Complexity Juvenility Insecurity Passivity Circularity Eventuality and a range of inspirations. I can almost re-live each incident that happened to me as I re-read each post :).

So 200, I think propels some responsible conduct. Think I will have to organise the older posts now; will probably revisit each post and do the honours. Jogging down the memory lane maybe! :) :)

Finally, from something like two readers, we've seen quite a few visitors, some that started as regulars and drifted away, several who tested their patience and left (:)) and few who stayed and liked or criticised or looked around just for the heck of it :D...I've consulted, understood, sometimes given up on several...but, from my heart, thank you for sticking around, bearing with all the nonsense and witnessing my personal journey (or parts of it)!

PS - Jus happy! Cheers! :)

Contradictions!

My mind is an amalgam of round dots sticking
constantly,
constantly
moving around each other in cluster-less identities.

They swarm together making a flower,
at times,
at times,
they disintegrate into long lines.

They grow into strong conches,
largely,
largely
also, they shrink into tiny triangles.

They form overwhelming shapes
defiantly,
defiantly,
they bounce off too as lonely stars.

They are standing, right now, in rows, separately to
question,
question
marks, like millions of sickles, deep as thought, waiting to cut or to sharpen…or both, in unknown order!

PS - I waited till I saw the sun...dont know why I didnt come!

Suffering...

is also clawed.
And it has got pretty strong fists.

And these fists come down when
pain exceeds anger
sorrow exceeds fury
sickness exceeds wrath and
trials exceed verdicts;

so it circles about deathly hollows
over territories that witness sudden massacre
causing slow death,
like an eagle that is waiting to come down
to release it
....relieve it
off its beaten life!

PS - Are you lonesome tonight, do u miss me tonight!

Treachery

Perched on top of a withering tree branch,
it crows
whimsically,
discordantly,
...................as if hurling dark swear words
impudently,
...................with every sound it makes,
ironically,
...................onto those who’ve given it its shelter
...................and fostered its babies
...................with care and caution
...................as if it were their own;
...................it flies around chalking its own course of survival
...................pretending to be dark faced and silver hearted,
...................actually dark faced ‘darker’ hearted,
...................chanting mantras of righteousness and morality
...................which crows like it, buy and sell and celebrate, huddled in togetherness.

Their crafty-ness is a neat craft alright;
the problem is that it isolates and eliminates any form of melody that might have existed.

Selflessness...

"I need to walk around the park tonight...like a fairy watching the moonlight," she smiled, "with you, of course." She held out her hand.
He looked up at the sky, glanced down at the grass before finally fixing his line of sight, straight at her. "Okay!" he smiled...

Selfishness...

a misunderstood phenomenon-
wide eyes, yet blink-less,
straight gait, yet unsteady,
strong blue, yet overwhelmingly pale,
mercilessly killing, yet hungry,
charming persona, yet repulsive-

......selfishness
swarms onto character,
............like
........a...t...h...e
..........e.........r
.............f...s
- spreading over sight's farthest range -

of a peacock - harshly overpowering, haughtily overbearing,
yet utterly backless!

PS - This town is a love u town and a shove u town and a push u around town!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxSRxwx581k

Trick...

Trickle Trickle
little star
I wonder how you’re what you are,
up above transactions sly
like a voiceless, soulless lie!